Today is the day I found out my daughter has dyslexia. I cried. She cried. I'm scared. I think she is too. We need help. Lots of it. I hope we are strong enough to handle this challenge. I hope.
I feel a need to document this journey. I don't know if you'd call it inspiration, but I think I need to have an outlet for the frustration I'm sure to encounter as we make our way into the unknown. As I discussed my insecurities, my fears, and my general lack of knowledge in this area to Chris the other night, he suggested that perhaps, there is something I needed to learn- as well as Kate. Maybe her challenges are going to be a way for me to learn and grow as well. Great. That's never good news. It suggests there is 'room for improvement'? Well of course there is. We could all stand to learn and grow. But it's never easy to have it forced upon you, is it?
Chris feels that we should just 'go with the flow' and feel our way through this, not trying to force anything. I want a plan. I want a curriculum. I want a schedule to follow. Is anyone surprised by this? Of course the control freak wants to know the end from the beginning. It's not possible though. No two dyslexics are alike. No one can give me the perfect curriculum, or method to suit my Kate. Every book I've read has a different theory, not only about why/how dyslexia occurs, but also about how they should be taught.
We will have to figure this out as we go along. We will need divine guidance, and intervention, for sure. We are praying for that, and I am praying for the ability to 'let it go'. I have this little poem taped above my computer:
Can You Let Go?
To Let Go is not to stop caring,
It's recognizing I can't do it for someone else.
To Let Go is not to cut myself off,
It's realizing I can't control another.
To Let Go is not to enable,
But to allow learning from natural consequences.
To Let Go is not to fight powerlessness,
But to accept that the outcome is not in my hands.
To Let Go is not to try to change or blame others,
It's to make the most of myself.
To Let Go is not to care for, it's to care about.
To Let Go is not to fix, it's to be supportive.
To Let Go is not to judge,
It's to allow another to be a human being.
To Let Go is not to try to arrange outcomes,
But to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To Let Go is not to be protective,
It's to permit another to face his own reality.
To Let Fo is not to regulate anyone,
But to strive to become what I dream I can be.
To LetGo is not to fear less,
It's to love more!
If I can let go long enough to allow the Spirit to guide me, to let Kate show me her way, and to let go of what others may think of our choices... then, I believe we'll find success. Or not, either way, I can't force it. I can't make her learn. My force of will is not the determining factor here. That's hard to accept. But accept it I must.
So anyways, back to the original thought, the purpose of this blog-- to record our journey. For my own sanity? Maybe. Or maybe it will be a way to evaluate what we're doing. Writing about things always forces me to really understand what is going on. It helps it to 'gel' in my mind. It may also be helpful to others walking the same path, or to me, later, if Ella or Zeke ends up with this Gift as well. I'm not going to try to be funny, or witty, I'm just going to record what we do day to day- what seems to be working, what is not. It may be of interest to Kate later in life. Or not.
Ahhh, I'm starting to tense up again....
Breathe.... just breathe.