Speech Therapy

Kate was tested and approved for an IEP for Speech this week. She cannot say her /r's/. This affects how she spells, because she replaces /r/ with /w/. I still think it's cute, but, obviously, it's contributing to her problem, so it has to be 'fixed'. She loves speech therapy, thank goodness. She has a 'speech buddy' that she goes with every week, her friend Sarah. They have stickers and rewards, it works for her, at least it does there. At home, not so much. Same exact system, two different results. Sigh.

We're still plunking away at the cooperation issue. Every day, I never know who I'm getting. Kate Jekyll or Kate Hyde. I live for Fridays (when she goes to school all day).

I made her work with clay yesterday. She cannot seem to learn the word 'were'. No matter how many times she sees it, she always says 'where'. So, she made it out of clay, and then since the definition didn't make sense to her, we just came up with a sentence and she made this bat to remind her of it.

"We WERE bats, but then we changed into Vampires!" Honestly, you'd think she'd love this stuff, but it's like pulling teeth...

Status Quo

I decided to leave Ella in afternoon Kindergarten. When it came down to it, I just couldn't give up my only free time. My time to recharge. So, we're leaving things as they are. I work with Kate and try to get Ella to entertain Zeke. It's not a fool proof system, but it's the best I've got.

My SIL Kathy was here over the weekend, and she taught Kate some energy techniques(called cortices, it uses taping, and is supposed to help connect the the right and left hemispheres of the brain) that she can do to herself when she feels frustrated or angry. I asked her to do them today and she refused-- until Ella wanted to know how to do it, and I started showing her, THEN Kate jumped in to demonstrate. Sigh.

I met with the school psychologist today. He went over the IQ test with me. I had questions about why she tested at barely behind in reading (1.8 level), when clearly, she is still on a kindergarten level. He told me that she is so bright, she 'tricked' the test. He knows she can't read that well, but she is such a good visual learner, she can take contextual clues to figure out the words she doesn't know.

According to her test, she would not qualify for resource(don't care), or an IEP(definitely need). He is working with her to see if after 6 weeks there is any improvement, if there is not, she will qualify. So far, she is 'flat-lining'. Her progress charts are flat. Very little improvement after 4 individual tutoring sessions. He continues to be astounded by how smart she is, and how she can memorize so quickly. He is constantly having to change the order of words he tests her on, because she memorizes them so fast. She's tricky, that girl.

I asked him about phonics, and he thinks that she will be able to get phonics, based on what he's done with her. Ella's kindergarten teacher has an intensive phonics program that she says has worked well with other dyslexic children. She's going to let me borrow it this week. Hallelujah. A program. Something I can follow, and not have to make up as I go along. I'm sure she'll love it for 3 days, and then not want to do it anymore, as is her M.O. I'm not sure how I'll get her to do it, other than what I do now, "If you want to cry, go to your room until you're ready to work, then you can come out." Followed by her storming away, slamming the door behind her, and wailing into her pillow. She'll emerge 10-30 min. later, red-eyed but willing to give it another go. That is, until I introduce something ELSE she doesn't want to do, and then we repeat the tantrum... over and over again.

It's so FUN. I'm having so much FUN!

I'm actually surprised by my level of patience. I manage not to yell or get mean, but I don't give her control. I think that's what she's trying to do. Test my strength. See how much she can get away with before I snap. I snap alright, just not in front of her. In my head, it's pure pandemonium. Repressed frustration. That's good for your health right?

SIGH*

I had hoped that this blog would be all 'sunshine and roses' about how successful we were at overcoming dyslexia, but it turns out, it's just a place for me to vent my ever growing frustrations.
I'll try to keep the whining to a minimum.

Side note: She's loving gymnastics. Everyone told me, she has to have something that she is good at to boost her self esteem, so even though it's spendy, we put her back in. She's loving it. She always has been our little monkey.

Confused AND Frustrated

I have to keep reminding myself that I felt prompted to take Kate out of school, and that therefore, it is STILL the right thing to do, because honestly, I'm done. I want to throw in the towell. If it's a battle of wills, she wins every time. I should have guessed this about her, but I skipped right over it in my 'super Mom to save the day!' euphoria. I. Am. An. Idiot.

I told Kate's teacher that things weren't going 'so well' at home, and I might put her back in full time at the end of the term (Oct. 28th). But then how do I rationalize that whole 'inspired to pull her out' thing? Pbbbtttt. Plus, then my life just gets infinitely harder at nights when I am traditionally 'done' and so is she, yet we will still have a ton of homework to complete. I'm at a complete loss.

If it's our relationship that is the most important thing, maybe I should stop caring at all about her school work, and just make sure she feels loved at home- which btw, is much easier to do if I'm not trying to teach her to read as well!

Ella's kindy teacher has given us the option of moving her to mornings, thus giving me one on one time with Kate. Problem is, then I have Ella all afternoon when Zeke is napping and have exactly ZERO time to myself. I'm not sure it's worth it. Personal time (much needed, I might add) vs. 1-1 time with Kate? Sanity vs. Possible solution? I say possible, because let's face it, it may not make a damn bit of difference. I could be sacrificing my afternoons and STILL have this fight every day with Kate.

I can't move Ella back and forth, so once the decision is made, I'm committed.

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO?!?!

Confused

I met with Emily, our friend/teacher to discuss Kate's IQ test results. She helped me see that her span was between 110, and 125. So even at her lowest point, she is still above average (100). Based on this, she would not qualify for resource, so that is why the psychologist is doing his intervention, trying to prove that she does indeed have reading difficulties.

For example, Emily's IQ span is from 130 to 79, a big difference. It means her IQ is 130, but because of her disability, she can only perform at a 79 level in some areas. This difference proves the disability. Since Kate's span is not severe, it doesn't prove she has a disability. Luckily, the psychologist believes she does indeed have dyslexia, and so is going another route to help her.

Emily and I talked about methods a lot. She suggested I try one thing at a time, for 4-6 weeks, and measure the outcome. I've been doing 4-5 different methods with her, hoping that something would help, not measuring anything.  This will make it hard to determine what is actually working, and what is not.

I'm so confused.

I have so many theories and methods rolling around in my brain from all my research, that I can hardly think straight. I can't get excited about doing only one thing for 4 weeks. She'll be bored, It'll be a fight...

I went to the temple, hoping to get a clear direction to move in, knowing that only the Lord knows Kate well enough to tell me what to do.

I didn't get the answer that I wanted.

I should have known.

The answer I got is that it doesn't matter what I do, but how I do it. My relationship with Kate is more important than her learning to read fluently.

BUT WHAT IF SHE NEVER LEARNS TO READ FLUENTLY?! HUH?? WHAT ABOUT THAT??

Obviously, the Lord is still trying to teach me to 'let go'.

Perhaps this is because my patience was waning this week. She spent time in her room crying 2 days out of 4. I get so frustrated with her non-compliance when I'm trying my hardest to help her, and save her the pain of this disability. Even as I write that though, I know I can't save her from it. It's her trial to pass through, and try as I might, I can't keep it from hurting her 100% of the time. I can lessen it's impact on her, and her self-esteem, but she is still going to have to learn to live with it.

She's dyslexic. I can't change that. No method can. She'll just have to figure out how to cope, and my job is just to give her a safe place to rest from that stress. I need to figure out how to do that.

Do you think there is a 'Mom's of dyslexics' support group I could join?